So by now you’re probably wondering if the Beastie and I are twins; we are both so gorgeous, we must share some DNA. Well sorry to blow your mind so early in the post, but I must now reveal that we are NOT twins, though I’ve always wanted a twin sister, and I imagine hanging out with Karina is a lot like what it’d be like if I did have a genetic clone. Other than our dashing good looks (do girls have dashing good looks?) and our insane dance moves that make Beyonce jealous, we share an epicurious thirst, a retrospective crush on Chad Michael Murray, and fear of one day giving birth to socially awkward kids who become messiahs in the high school cafeteria (an irrational fear, I know). However, our opinions diverge when it comes to titillating topics such as whether or not risotto should have onions in it, when it is situationally appropriate to squeal like middle school girls receiving their first winky face emoticon texts from a boy, and the “coolness” of playing fantasy football. To this list of differences, I must now add this: I HATE VALENTINE’S DAY.
Now before I divulge into the typical anti-VDay rant, let me disperse any assumptions you might have just made about me in the last 15 seconds:
- It’s not because I’m single… because I’m not. (Poor guy)
- Yes, I have a heart somewhere… underneath all those bulging muscles… and layers of cholesterol. THANKS, KFC COUPONS!
- It’s also not because I’m a penny pincher. When I go to McDonald’s, I spring for the SUPER SIZE!
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of nice things about Valentine’s Day… especially when you’re in 2nd grade. Free candy?! Oh hell yes. Class party with Cheet-ohs and ice cream?! Gimme. The best part was when that cute boy I never had the courage to talk to HAD to give me a card (because otherwise, the teacher would give him an “F” in the Valentine’s Day party segment of the curriculum) even though I was that awkward pudgy kid who tucked her shirts into her sweatpants. I didn’t even care if he didn’t spell my name right. WHO COULD?! Half the time my teacher didn’t even know what to call me since my name has a weird hyphen situation (my Vietnamese name is Dong-Ha).
Anyways, back to the cynicism. I am on the anti-VDay train because I hate the pressure of finding something materialistically representative of how much I love someone. Don’t get me wrong, I AM AN EXCELLENT GIFT GIVER. In fact, I am the reason that the Olympic committee decided against a gift-giving series of events. I’m too good. It’d be just like America and women’s softball. But I’ve always been with the opinion that gifts should spawn from organic thoughtfulness. If I come across something I think you will love, you can bet your mom’s apple pie that I will be getting it for you, no occasion necessary. I hate dragging myself to the mall, desperate to find a gift. Though I generally thrive under pressure *ahem, realizing I have a midterm the next day and frantically cramming in as much info as possible in 6 hrs*, the desperation for “the perfect gift” blinds my ability to be both thoughtful and logical. Especially when it comes to shopping for my boyfriend, I start to lose it and my mind digresses into a mush, like this:
What’s his favorite color again? Green? Would he like a green shirt? Does he even wear shirts? Oh god, what does he look like again? OMG, DO I EVEN HAVE A BOYFRIEND?! Or is he another imaginary boyfriend? Am I dreaming right now? Brilliant brain of mine, if I am dreaming right now, give me a sign; send Ryan Gosling out here. Why are my ovaries tingling? Are they trying to tell me I’m dating Ryan Gosling? Does Ryan Gosling like green shirts? Why hasn’t he proposed to me yet?
Eventually I forget why I’m at the mall and run home to plan my wedding. At this point, my future spouse is interchangeable, as long as I’m saying my vows in a vineyard with a piano-cello duo playing in the background and the priest of The Princess Bride officiating the whole thing. So yes, I hate hunting for a gift.
The other reason I don’t particularly love Valentine’s Day (har har, pun) is because I don’t want my boyfriend to do something nice for me just because he has an obligation to social convention. Similar to Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and National Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day, I think it’s lame that there’s a specific day set aside for dwelling on how awesome someone or something is. YOU SHOULD BE DOING THIS EVERY DAY. I’d prefer it if my boyfriend walked by Victoria’s Secret and thought “my girlfriend is way hotter than these chicks, I’m going to cook her dinner tonight!” or watched a highlights reel of Michael Jordan and thought “my girlfriend really needs to be inducted into the NBA Hall of Fame, she deserves some chocolate” or opened a bottle of ’07 cab and thought “the only thing that could make this better is some classical music. Speaking of music, my girlfriend is such an amazing singer. I’m going to encourage her to record a few songs and then I’m going to buy a million copies, because she’s a platinum artist in my heart.” The day of the year in which the thoughtfulness occurs shouldn’t matter.
But anyways… whether I like it or not, today is Valentine’s Day, and I do love you all, so here’s a video my friend made. You may or may not know her– her name is Jennifer Allison Tran. Yes, I am shamelessly namedropping this Touro-A-List celebrity, which when you convert it into real life, is about a T-List celebrity. Enjoy!
*This video will actually be posted tomorrow when I can figure out how to read Facebook’s source page. SORRY YOU HAVE TO CLICK ON A LINK!
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY <3